Hello
beauties
Before I
get into today's post, I just want to ask you a few questions. Hands up:
how many of you have been bullied or harassed online? If the answer's yes, was
the troll:
A. One of
the mean kids from school
B.
Somebody you considered a friend; or
C. A
complete and utter stranger
Looking
back to that moment, when it all began, what was your initial reaction? Did you
feel scared, angry, humiliated or all of the above?
And lastly,
wherever you are in that dark situation, whether that be at the climax or
headed towards a resolution, I want you to take a long, hard look at yourself.
I want you to be 100% honest with yourself as you answer this final question.
Right now, right this second, how do I really feel? Maybe it's all over but
you're still wandering aimlessly round and round in circles. Or perhaps you're worried
a friend might be in danger and you don't know what advice to give them. Either
way, we're here to help.
From day
one, there was always that kid who became infamously established as the class
bully. Despite being horrible, they tended to be the most popular kids as for
many, being friends with the bully seemed like a much more appealing option
than enduring years of callous name-calling, mocking laughter and abuse.
If you
did become one of their victims, school quickly turned from a place of fun to a
prison-house of trepidation. And yet, although the thought of going to school
made you feel sick to your stomach, at least back then, you could go home at
the end of the day and escape it all for a while.
Now, with
the addition of social media, bullies can target us at any time of day or
night. In a matter of seconds, they can bombard us with an endless chain of
abusive messages, comments and pictures, all from the comfort of their own
living rooms.
And I
don't know about you, but I just find it all so, so cowardly. Instead of
seeking help, these bullies use their own insecurities as ammunition in a
desperate attempt to damage us. Naturally, they would never dream of saying
those repulsive words to our faces. But for some reason, shielded by their
screens, they feel they're unvanquishable.
In this
day and age, it can feel pretty daunting posting a photo of yourself online. As
human beings, we know all too well that there are people out there who will get
a kick out of criticising us or making humiliating comments. Moreover as girls,
we know some of us can be incredibly judgemental and bitchy when it comes to
our appearance, weight, taste in clothes and friends. (I don't care if Mean
Girls is a made-up movie. Every one of us have encountered a Regina George in
our lifetime.)
Regardless
of how thick-skinned you are, we'd be lying if we said negative comments didn't
get to us on some level. Even months after the bullying has stopped, the words
are still embossed on our minds, corroding away at our self-confidence. So what
should you do if you are being harassed online or if you are struggling to move
forward with your life?
1.
Firstly, understand you are not alone.
These sad
lowlifes aren't just targeting you; they're targeting millions of other
gorgeous people like you including pretty much every famous person on the
planet. Take your idol for instance, mine being Oprah Winfrey. To us, these
individuals are amongst the most talented, successful and influential people of
all time. Along with thousands of other like-minded fans, we admire them
immensely and wish we could learn to be like them. Yet despite all that, these
people are trolled on a daily basis for everything from how they look, to what
they wear or what they represent. So it just shows you: it doesn't matter how
awesome or how admired you are, unfortunately there will always be toxic people
out there who will try to bring us down.
2. Try
not to retaliate.
It can
take every ounce of control not to fly off the handle because you want to
defend yourself and stand up for yourself. However, you don't want to shoot
back a furious reply in the heat of the moment which you will regret as soon as
you've clicked 'send'. The thing is, this coward is trying to provoke you.
They're trying to get a rise, a reaction out of you. So if you don't give them
a reaction, then they've lost and you've won. The thing is, you haven't done
anything wrong here, therefore do you really want to stoop to their level?
Plus, why not save your buckets full of sass for people who matter?
3. Don't
let a troll get away with it.
If you
receive a comment on social media that makes you feel in any way uncomfortable
or distressed, then don't hesitate to hit the report button. It's time that
person got the comeuppance they deserve. Reporting them will not only protect
yourself but will also protect others out there who could potentially be
targeted by that same user. In addition, it's important you screenshot the
message or comment, just in case you need it as evidence. Then by all means, go
ahead and hit 'block'. Above all though, tell your family, friends and teachers
because no-one should have to go through this alone.
4.
Finally, don't let a troll's opinion define you.
Who cares
what they think? You're amazing: end of. Whatever they're saying, it's never a
reflection of you. It's always a reflection of that individual's deep-rooted
insecurities. Most of the time, they're actually jealous of you or they feel so
bad about themselves that they want to make everyone else feel rubbish too.
Now I
fully appreciate it's easy for me to sit here and tell you not to care. From
experience, I know how difficult it can be to shake off negative comments. However,
speak to the people who love and care about you. Listen to them and try to
focus on how they see you as a person, not what an irrelevant loser thinks.
In
general though, we need to be a lot kinder online.
My
message to all you trolls out there would be: stop with the nasty comments.
It's not cool and you're not doing yourself any favours. You might think you've
got away with it this time yet sooner or later your actions will without fail
come to bite you on the bum. And believe me, when they do, it won't be pretty.
You might think you deleted all those snide remarks on other girls photos back
when you were at school, going through the 'bitchy' phase. Nevertheless, while
they may have disappeared from your profile, your words are still engraved,
lurking somewhere in the aether of the internet. Also, for all you know anyone
could have screenshotted that comment to use as evidence against you further
down the line.
Be
careful what you say and do on social media because your actions really do define
you. Every single post, comment, like and mention is documented in
black-and-white, a testimony of your true colours for all the world to see.
Therefore, when applying for jobs, your employer can easily log onto your
profile and find out exactly who you are in a matter of minutes. If that
employer doesn't like what they see on your profile, then you can kiss goodbye
to that position. And frankly, if you are or plan on being a troll, you might
as well give up on your life dream (if you have one) right this second since
no-one, and I mean no-one, will ever employ a bully.
To
everybody else in the world, my message is just be you. There's no need to be
something you're not because in the words of Bruno Mars, “you're amazing just
the way you are”. Also, never 'like' a nasty comment. It doesn't matter if you
wrote it or not; by liking it, you are agreeing with the troll which makes you
just as bad. Conversely, we need to be more supportive of each other and
compliment people more. I think as Brits in particular, we're very reserved
when it comes to compliments and we find it awkward expressing how we feel. But
if you think someone looks fabulous in a photo, then I cannot emphasise enough
the fact you should tell them that in the comments! Don't just click 'like' because
what does that even mean? Equally, don't just send a string of inane emojis (as
much as I love them). Instead, write a personal and sincere message since I can
assure you it will brighten up that person's day no end and you'll feel better
for it.
Be kind
to others and above all, be kind to yourself. Spread the love and leave your sparkles
wherever you go.
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